I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize