things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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