Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
