How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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