I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
