You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
