the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
