she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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