Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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