Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
