My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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