you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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