woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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