she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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