oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
