so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
