Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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