Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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