My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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