I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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