You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
