I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
