Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I will be naked everywhere
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
