Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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