I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
