I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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