Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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