No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You made out with two different species that night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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