So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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