i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
