I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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