As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
