Where is the hickey?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
