you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
