Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
