This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
