he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
