I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
