I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
