I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
