smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
