gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
