you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
