it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
