I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am naked and annoyed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
