I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I understand Curling. That high.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
