420 ftw
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
