We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
