I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dicks are not precious.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
