My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
