Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
