careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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