What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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