Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
