yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
