She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
