Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
