Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
3pm strippers are depressing
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
