I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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